I’m about to admit something very embarrassing.
In fact, maybe don’t read the rest of this post.
Especially you, Mom and Dad.
Are you gone?
OK. Hello. My name is Allison, and I love watching The Bachelor.I know, I know. It’s not a great show. But, it is also kind of really great. It’s escapism, and these days, Lord knows I need some escapism. It’s fun to watch beautiful people interacting under such weird circumstances. It almost feels like watching sports (or what I imagine watching sports would be like if I watched them), you can pick apart every “move” the contestants make, try to infer what’s going to happen next, and cheer when your favorite people get “points.”
I’m even in a Bachelor Fantasy League (I’m winning for now, but it all could change at any moment!), and listen to a Bachelor Podcast (Rose Buddies– which is an absolute delight that you should listen to, even if you don’t watch the show).
Tonight’s episode is the very important “Hometowns” episode, where the last four contestants take the Bachelor home to meet their parents. It’s always suuuuper awkward, but in the best way possible.
I’m not sure who’s going to make it through this episode, but let’s talk about the remaining contestants (I accidentally typed “characters”… oops!), and assign them sweaters (because this is a knitting blog after all). (And, I suppose I should mention the Bachelor himself. After all, Nick is ostensibly who the show is about, but I really couldn’t care less about him- he has all the personality of a wet paper bag. Anyway- back to the ladies.)
Meet Raven! She’s an adorable, super cool, super confident and sweet lady from a tiny town in Arkansas. She owns a little fashion boutique and I really want her to be my friend.
I bet you’d be able to find a sweater like this one in her shop. It’s a little funky, a little comfy, and totally trendy. Raven would probably wear it with killer boots and a cool, attention-getting necklace.
Boxy by Joji LocatelliRachel is a lawyer from Dallas. She’s super smart and capable, and was just announced as next season’s Bachelorette. (So I guess she doesn’t “win” this season, but that’s A-OK by me, because she’s too good for Nick.)I’d knit this sweater for her- it’s like the fun cousin of a blazer. Actually, I kind of want this one for myself.
Walk the Cumbria Way by Jutta von Hinterm SteinAnd, if the last two contestants were too good for Nick, Vanessa certainly is. She’s amazing. She’s a tri-lingual, Canadian special-needs teacher. She’s tough, but sweet (and calls out the Bachelor when he does something crappy-which is rare on this show). My money is on her for the “win,” but she’s not actually on my team, so I have mixed loyalties.Her style is effortless, comfortable, and undeniably chic. I think she’d rock a simple cardigan like this- actually, I think I might have seen her wear one very similar in the last couple episodes.
BlueSand Cardigan by La Maison RililieThen, we come to Corinne. Corinne is this season’s “villain,” but she’s kind of amazing. She says she’s the 24-year-old owner of a “Multi-million-dollar business,” but really she’s a model/Instagrammer who goes by the nickname “Corn” and has a nanny. She’s pretty immature (which is what gets her into trouble on the show), but I’m sure she’s less of a villain in real life. She’s just a privileged weirdo who’s a little self-absorbed and self-conscious, which comes out as being pushy and unpleasant. But, I like the girl, nonetheless (and she’s earned my fantasy team about a bajillion points, which is something I really like).And for my dear Corn, I’d have to make her a super cute sundress/bikini cover-up. Everyone on this show spends about 3/4 of their time in swim suits, and Corn spends even more time in them than anyone else. I think she’d totally wear this super cute tunic- though she would have to be careful of weird crochet tan lines.
Beach Tunic by Annelies Baes (Vicarno)Now you know my deep, dark secret. So what’s yours? What’s your secret guilty pleasure?